Calmin' Core Standards

"If you are depressed you are living in the past"

"If you are anxious you are living in the future"

"If you are at peace you are living in the present"

- Lao Tzu

I've had this on my phone home screen for over a year now.  It's a faithful companion and frequent reminder to avoid the pitfalls of past/ future thinking.  

I've had reason to fall prey to both lately...

The great thing about this triad of wisdom is the "right" answer amongst the two reminders:

"Live in the present"

I remember my first exposure to Zen.  It was by Ken Ravizza, Sport Psychologist and professor of the Philosophy of Movement course I took in college.  After explaining Zen in theory he posed a question,

"What is Zen?"

It sounded rhetorical until he directed the question at me.

"John, what is Zen?"

I answered based on the information presented / typically / regurgitatively,

"It's the here and now." 

I was startled to hear the same question, louder this time, asked again,

"John, what is Zen?"

Following the leader, I repeated my answer, louder this time, 

"It's the here and now."

"JOHN, WHAT IS ZEN?"

"IT'S THE HERE AND NOW!"

"JOHN, WHAT IS ZEN?"

"IT'S THE HERE AND NOW!"

silence...

...then,

"NO! Zen is 'I'M TIRED!" 'I'M BORED!' 'MY ASS HURTS FROM SITTING TOO LONG!!'"

Is what he came back with, promptly followed by,

"John, what is Zen?"

I finally got it.

"My ass actually does hurt from sitting too long."

Fast forward to my Zen today:

I'm back in a familiar place under strange circumstances after 13 years living in strange places under familiar circumstances.

It's not so much about my rear end but more about letting go of a troublesome past and avoiding the temptation & anxiety of living in/ trying to create the future.

These past months have been lessons in humility and empathy and responsibility taught through the mechanisms of transition, authenticity and acceptance.

Transition:   A gift from the Gods of Complacency

I packed up a life collected and lived for 13 years in the polar opposite posts of La Paz, Bolivia and Singapore.  From the high altitude and raw plains of the Andes to the glossy and tropical, perfectly paved and groomed, streets of South East Asia's garden city-state.  I had to choose and prioritize what was to go and what was to go to California, my next "post".

Getting rid of stuff was a catharsis.  It was liberating after so many years of moving, storing and organizing crap I'd never use but didn't have the perspective or urgency to let it go.  A life is measured by what we have collected.  I am happy to say that many of the things in my newly cleaned out "treasure chest" are the meaningful relationships with my own children and the friendships, travel and many engaging conversations I've had with an eclectic group of intelligent and supportive folks over the years.  

I've also gotten rid of many ideals and attitudes about how things should or have to be.  I had convinced myself I could be anything I wanted to be.  I had failed to realize that while this was true in theory, it was in competition with who I was and needed to be.  I had tried to "beat the system" of tradition only to find myself, ultimately,  afraid to really bite the hand that fed me.  I was a barking dog easily pacified by the promise of a bone.

Separating myself from that Pavlovian cycle did me good.  I was untethered and found that the sky's limit was quite high and so is my potential.  I started talking to people differently.  I "leaned in" as Sheryl Sandberg says.  I met people, new people that heard me.  I met with people, familiar ones that I heard in new ways.   I asked how, where and when.  I already knew the who, what and why.  

Authenticity:  A gift from the Gods of Denial

Making a home has always been in my wheelhouse.   I have an ability to store things cleverly and based on logic.   The other edge of this sword is a tendency toward organized clutter.  I can find a thoughtful place for a lot of stuff that I should, otherwise, reject or simply get rid of.  I tend to keep things longer than I need them / they are helpful to possess.  

I'm better at that now.  I've let go of a lot of things that didn't belong to me in the first place.  I have enough of my own stuff to manage.  I have to sort through the stuff I brought with me and decide what I keep and what I will next let go of.  At the same time, I have to stay vigilant to not accept things that people try and give me to deal with that are not mine.

Acceptance:  A gift from the Gods of Perfection

I am learning to Accept the things I cannot change.  As a result,  I am finding the Courage to change the things I can.  While I do this I am discovering the patient Wisdom to know the difference between the two.  

It's a peaceful place.

Presently, I am finding that everything, eventually, finds peace.  

Along the way there is growth, understanding and more stuff to figure out.  

In the meantime, I'm done for now. 

My ass hurts from sitting too long.