23 People took the time to give feedback at last week's Stuck in the Middle With You event.
So, 23 responses. Here we go!
1.
"For me, I was reminded how the agenda should be set up & used. I
need to insist on seeing it daily because I always hear homework is
finished and then later in the evening there is a Eureka moment when
assignments are remembered - causes lots of drama."
The agenda is a good place to start, but has limitations. If you engage your child too rigorously with the agenda, it could backfire. The agenda works because it gives kids a place to write their "academic responsibilities". The transference of information, in their own handwriting, should serve to "own" the tasks. Be sure to build trust with this tool by not taking ownership of the information. If a child feels the information is scrutinized then it's a short trip to conflict. The agenda then becomes a tool for control between parent and child. It would be most effective to trust the info written but make the process non-negotiable. In other words, the consistent use of the tool is the expectation. The info is variable.
Remember, the goal isn't to make our kids perfectly organized. The goal is to empower them to be practically organized. The practicality speaks to the child learning to use the tool to be more thoughtful as it relates to his/her responsibilities.
The partner to the agenda is Power School. When an academic task goes well (as illustrated by a high mark in Power School) the child should be able to show the cause and effect relationship with thoughtful planning shown in the agenda. This applies to poor planning as well. Have them connect the dots from a low mark in Power School to the lack of a recorded task in the agenda, for example.
Still, this doesn't really get to the Eureka moment that you've described above. From my experience, this is a convenient "out" when the dinner conversation is uncomfortable or boring. It can also act as a, somewhat, noble reason to get back to the computer (Facebook, etc.). As parents, we may not like the hour, but we have a hard time saying no to homework. So, they use it to their advantage.
A couple of thoughts on the Eureka Protocol:
* Be adamant that all HW after x o' clock must be done in a public area (dining room table, etc.).
* Plan an enjoyable activity at x o'clock; Maybe an episode of a favorite series, free computer time, etc. If there is a Eureka moment after x o'clock then they substitute the activity for HW.
I'd be sure to leverage these strategies with a clear understanding of the child's time schedule. The "Planning to Do Nothing" Sheet should be filled out ahead of time to identify blocked and free time. If there is room, I'd add block the enjoyable activity across for Sunday - Thursday. Fridays and Saturdays should be set aside for family, social and risk-taking (sports, arts, etc.).
Thoughts?
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Inform, Entertain, Inspire
I gotta get back to my day job, but...
I really have to get this archived for me and shared with you. I had a great time with this today:
Feedback from participants (in random order):
1. "For me, I was reminded how the agenda should be set up & used. I need to insist on seeing it daily because I always hear homework is finished and then later in the evening there is a Eureka moment when assignments are remembered - causes lots of drama."
2. "Thank you, you gave a good overview. I found the tips you offered helpful and I plan to put some of your ideas in place. Ex: mesh bags, 85% goal, 2 pencils"
3. "Spend less time on Power School ... Great talk; insightful and love your style; will employ your ideas w/ MS and HS."
4. "Knowing that there's going to be help for my son currently in 5th grade when he reaches M.S. He has a big challenge ahead..."
5. "Great talk: Concrete examples of how you get kids to take ownership. What I'd like to see in another talk: Study Skills specifics."
6. "Great job; enjoyed it a lot. Spent too much time telling us what you did with your kids in your class. It wasn't relevant to our kids. Spend less time on Power School specifics and how to manage it on a higher level."
7. "I had no idea how very useful Power School is - very good insight! Had no idea my daughter and I have so many of the same work/study habits in common (a very good exercise...)."
8. "Comment, please, on "child comparison". For example, "Mom, I'm not sibling", "Everybody in the class did bad.", Mom asking child: "How do you think you're doing compared to ...""
9. "Power School info. Time management"
10. "Really liked:
* A lot of truths brought out, but not always realized (i.e. right but still wrong, kids may just pretend to listen, should take risks & do activities early).
* Creativity Box
* Efficiency vs. Effectivity
* Bringing out that electronics can be "time suckers"
Would like to know more about what I do with perfectionism (also a time consumer)"
11. "Walk through on how child to use an agenda - very helpful; simple, common sense. But I have the impression my kids never really learned to use these well (resistance!). Now I better see the need for me to be part of the teaching process - and by example - my own!
Future talk suggestions: parenting tech savvy kids (keeping them safe, giving them freedom with oversight)."
12. "I liked the agenda and time management table. Simple and real tools to help kids to get organized."
13. "Great session!! Helpful to learn about Power School because I'm a new (SAS) mom and trying to figure things out."
14. "I am pleased you brought up the writing down your "stuff" in the agenda. I'm not the most organized person & technology confuses me. I find that one gets lost in it & I actually miss out sometimes. The Creativity Box is something I've employed for a long time - one notebook for all the things I need to remember - and I agree writing it provides ownership."
15. "Outstanding presentation. I found tips on how to begin a conversation very helpful (data, etc.). Points on structure reminded me of what I learned before (*need to be better implementing). Maybe have a session on how to teach kids how to play the game of school?"
16. "Great job! Also grading our child then grading ourselves on the academic tasks scale (handout where we gave rating - not right or wrong."
17. "I got some good tips but felt not targeted to a grade 4 parent. I had wrongly assumed when it was marketed towards "pre-teens". That said, I think it would be great to have this presented to IS parents - so we can lay foundations early."
18. "Thank you for this session; it was very helpful to see: the concrete examples you shared & handouts)."
19. "I agree with your assessment of Black Board. I think agendas should be used and encouraged in HS. I would love to see the school have a lesson for the kids about effective organization. I think your presentation on organizational effectiveness and tools for success (agendas, bins, etc.) need to be taught to all kids - not just those who have been identified as needing support."
20. "I appreciated all the Power School information and advice. I would love to have help/ advice/ a discussion about more of the social/emotional aspects that the kids and parents are dealing with starting in Middle School."
21. "Thank you! Very encouraging lecture. Helpful info... *filling out planner every subject, everyday (This will help!). Feedback vs. Criticism is always tricky. Would like more info on how to encourage kids and gain their trust without being nagging and overbearing."
22. "Thank you for letting me know the inside of Power School. Many general issues that relate to my experience with my children."
23. "More hands on example, new apps for focus on HW"
Thanks to everyone that took the time to give me feedback. Knowing what I know about groups (bell curve natural distribution) these 23 nuggets probably cover the breadth of perspectives in the audience (We had close to 70!). I will address each and every one of these in this blog over the next week. I really do have a passion for this stuff and your comments (both written and verbal give me lots of great talking points).
There were a few pre-talk "Sticky Notes" as well:
Q: To help MS kids out. Why can't all teachers use one HW posting site? My 7th grader has Black Board, agenda book, Google calendar and private emails. It's too many locations to check!
A: By now, you know where I stand on Black Board for parents. I'm going to assume, for the moment, that you're asking this from a parent's perspective (and I get it).
But, I'm going to ask,
"So what?"
I'm out on a limb here, but I have a perspective that might shed some light on the parent - child academic ownership dichotomy.
Every year at Open House I have at least one parent ask about the MS bell schedule. I used to challenge myself to come up with a great way for parents to understand the cycle of Red, White and Blue Days 1 & 2. And then I asked myself why I was going to the trouble of explaining this to parents. Sure, it's possible that they could, in turn, explain the schedule to their child. But, here's the thing; kids learn the bell schedule by the end of the first week - most by Wednesday of the first week. Plus, teachers go out of their way to accommodate kids trying to get from E block to A block to lunch, etc. It's built in to the system - without parental support.
So, when I look at this question from a parent's perspective, I have to ask back,
"Why do you need to know?"
After all, kids are resilient and knowledge is contextual. In other words, if things are consistently inconsistent, kids can figure out the nuances and react, accordingly.
But, again, I get it. Why are we overloaded by multiple locations for, seemingly, the same kind of information?
Ready?
It's because we are human (Dude, you're sooo deep...). The folks (aka teachers) generating the info have Black Board, Power School, the agenda, Google calendars, email and, less effective, but the very-old-school-chic-smoke-signals at their disposal. It's because we can. It's also frustrating. But, in the end, technology moves faster than we can process. As such, we jump to the newer & faster version every year. We are consumers and Apple, Samsung, Starhub, etc. have taught us to expect a new version every year. Count how many new hand phones you've had in the past five years (4 for me). Now, think back to your kitchen wall phone when you were a kid. How many did you go through? If you were like us we switched once - from rotary to push button. Technology reinvents itself. It's what technology does. Why wouldn't we opt for better features?
Not convinced?
Consider this (click on "this" to read Ancient Brains, Modern Dilemmas.
I realize the article goes way beyond the thrust of your question, but it gets to the heart of the matter. In the 21st century we not only have choices, but the choices evolve and improve rapidly.
This is my answer to your question.
Remember, though, this is the world in which our kids are growing up. I don't even have a house phone anymore. All the people living in my home have a hand phone, kids and adults alike, which makes a house phone obsolete.
I am concerned with information overload but I believe our brains would shut down if we were truly overwhelmed. If I were working with your child, I would look for signs of frustration from too many sources of info. This would be a sign for you (as a parent) to intervene. Until then, ask yourself,
"Why do I need to know."
Oct 19 Edit: I received feedback on the above Q & A. Apparently, I went a little too far afield with my reasoning and need to provide some decoding.
1. The blunt answer to the question:
Why can't all teachers use one HW posting site?
is to ask why does a parent need to know this info when it is a student's responsibility to manage this information.
2. I used the example of MS bell schedule to illustrate this point (parents don't "live" the schedule, kids do and they figure it out quickly).
3. I also used rapidly evolving technology as the reason why we have so many tools for academic communication (Black Board, etc.). In other words, it's tough to stay with one tool when the next one does more and it does it better.
4. I further explained this as a human liability by incorporating the LA Times article, Ancient Brains, Modern Dilemma just to keep things interesting. It's far-fetched when compared to homework, but relates to the human/tech interface.
5. Finally, I suggested a caveat. If kids are showing signs of being overwhlemed by too many sources of info then we (as parents, teachers, etc.) have an obligation to step in. It is my opinion that we do a good job of keeping an eye on this in our community.
Hope that helps.
I really have to get this archived for me and shared with you. I had a great time with this today:
Feedback from participants (in random order):
1. "For me, I was reminded how the agenda should be set up & used. I need to insist on seeing it daily because I always hear homework is finished and then later in the evening there is a Eureka moment when assignments are remembered - causes lots of drama."
2. "Thank you, you gave a good overview. I found the tips you offered helpful and I plan to put some of your ideas in place. Ex: mesh bags, 85% goal, 2 pencils"
3. "Spend less time on Power School ... Great talk; insightful and love your style; will employ your ideas w/ MS and HS."
4. "Knowing that there's going to be help for my son currently in 5th grade when he reaches M.S. He has a big challenge ahead..."
5. "Great talk: Concrete examples of how you get kids to take ownership. What I'd like to see in another talk: Study Skills specifics."
6. "Great job; enjoyed it a lot. Spent too much time telling us what you did with your kids in your class. It wasn't relevant to our kids. Spend less time on Power School specifics and how to manage it on a higher level."
7. "I had no idea how very useful Power School is - very good insight! Had no idea my daughter and I have so many of the same work/study habits in common (a very good exercise...)."
8. "Comment, please, on "child comparison". For example, "Mom, I'm not sibling", "Everybody in the class did bad.", Mom asking child: "How do you think you're doing compared to ...""
9. "Power School info. Time management"
10. "Really liked:
* A lot of truths brought out, but not always realized (i.e. right but still wrong, kids may just pretend to listen, should take risks & do activities early).
* Creativity Box
* Efficiency vs. Effectivity
* Bringing out that electronics can be "time suckers"
Would like to know more about what I do with perfectionism (also a time consumer)"
11. "Walk through on how child to use an agenda - very helpful; simple, common sense. But I have the impression my kids never really learned to use these well (resistance!). Now I better see the need for me to be part of the teaching process - and by example - my own!
Future talk suggestions: parenting tech savvy kids (keeping them safe, giving them freedom with oversight)."
12. "I liked the agenda and time management table. Simple and real tools to help kids to get organized."
13. "Great session!! Helpful to learn about Power School because I'm a new (SAS) mom and trying to figure things out."
14. "I am pleased you brought up the writing down your "stuff" in the agenda. I'm not the most organized person & technology confuses me. I find that one gets lost in it & I actually miss out sometimes. The Creativity Box is something I've employed for a long time - one notebook for all the things I need to remember - and I agree writing it provides ownership."
15. "Outstanding presentation. I found tips on how to begin a conversation very helpful (data, etc.). Points on structure reminded me of what I learned before (*need to be better implementing). Maybe have a session on how to teach kids how to play the game of school?"
16. "Great job! Also grading our child then grading ourselves on the academic tasks scale (handout where we gave rating - not right or wrong."
17. "I got some good tips but felt not targeted to a grade 4 parent. I had wrongly assumed when it was marketed towards "pre-teens". That said, I think it would be great to have this presented to IS parents - so we can lay foundations early."
18. "Thank you for this session; it was very helpful to see: the concrete examples you shared & handouts)."
19. "I agree with your assessment of Black Board. I think agendas should be used and encouraged in HS. I would love to see the school have a lesson for the kids about effective organization. I think your presentation on organizational effectiveness and tools for success (agendas, bins, etc.) need to be taught to all kids - not just those who have been identified as needing support."
20. "I appreciated all the Power School information and advice. I would love to have help/ advice/ a discussion about more of the social/emotional aspects that the kids and parents are dealing with starting in Middle School."
21. "Thank you! Very encouraging lecture. Helpful info... *filling out planner every subject, everyday (This will help!). Feedback vs. Criticism is always tricky. Would like more info on how to encourage kids and gain their trust without being nagging and overbearing."
22. "Thank you for letting me know the inside of Power School. Many general issues that relate to my experience with my children."
23. "More hands on example, new apps for focus on HW"
Thanks to everyone that took the time to give me feedback. Knowing what I know about groups (bell curve natural distribution) these 23 nuggets probably cover the breadth of perspectives in the audience (We had close to 70!). I will address each and every one of these in this blog over the next week. I really do have a passion for this stuff and your comments (both written and verbal give me lots of great talking points).
There were a few pre-talk "Sticky Notes" as well:
Q: To help MS kids out. Why can't all teachers use one HW posting site? My 7th grader has Black Board, agenda book, Google calendar and private emails. It's too many locations to check!
A: By now, you know where I stand on Black Board for parents. I'm going to assume, for the moment, that you're asking this from a parent's perspective (and I get it).
But, I'm going to ask,
"So what?"
I'm out on a limb here, but I have a perspective that might shed some light on the parent - child academic ownership dichotomy.
Every year at Open House I have at least one parent ask about the MS bell schedule. I used to challenge myself to come up with a great way for parents to understand the cycle of Red, White and Blue Days 1 & 2. And then I asked myself why I was going to the trouble of explaining this to parents. Sure, it's possible that they could, in turn, explain the schedule to their child. But, here's the thing; kids learn the bell schedule by the end of the first week - most by Wednesday of the first week. Plus, teachers go out of their way to accommodate kids trying to get from E block to A block to lunch, etc. It's built in to the system - without parental support.
So, when I look at this question from a parent's perspective, I have to ask back,
"Why do you need to know?"
After all, kids are resilient and knowledge is contextual. In other words, if things are consistently inconsistent, kids can figure out the nuances and react, accordingly.
But, again, I get it. Why are we overloaded by multiple locations for, seemingly, the same kind of information?
Ready?
It's because we are human (Dude, you're sooo deep...). The folks (aka teachers) generating the info have Black Board, Power School, the agenda, Google calendars, email and, less effective, but the very-old-school-chic-smoke-signals at their disposal. It's because we can. It's also frustrating. But, in the end, technology moves faster than we can process. As such, we jump to the newer & faster version every year. We are consumers and Apple, Samsung, Starhub, etc. have taught us to expect a new version every year. Count how many new hand phones you've had in the past five years (4 for me). Now, think back to your kitchen wall phone when you were a kid. How many did you go through? If you were like us we switched once - from rotary to push button. Technology reinvents itself. It's what technology does. Why wouldn't we opt for better features?
Not convinced?
Consider this (click on "this" to read Ancient Brains, Modern Dilemmas.
I realize the article goes way beyond the thrust of your question, but it gets to the heart of the matter. In the 21st century we not only have choices, but the choices evolve and improve rapidly.
This is my answer to your question.
Remember, though, this is the world in which our kids are growing up. I don't even have a house phone anymore. All the people living in my home have a hand phone, kids and adults alike, which makes a house phone obsolete.
I am concerned with information overload but I believe our brains would shut down if we were truly overwhelmed. If I were working with your child, I would look for signs of frustration from too many sources of info. This would be a sign for you (as a parent) to intervene. Until then, ask yourself,
"Why do I need to know."
Oct 19 Edit: I received feedback on the above Q & A. Apparently, I went a little too far afield with my reasoning and need to provide some decoding.
1. The blunt answer to the question:
Why can't all teachers use one HW posting site?
is to ask why does a parent need to know this info when it is a student's responsibility to manage this information.
2. I used the example of MS bell schedule to illustrate this point (parents don't "live" the schedule, kids do and they figure it out quickly).
3. I also used rapidly evolving technology as the reason why we have so many tools for academic communication (Black Board, etc.). In other words, it's tough to stay with one tool when the next one does more and it does it better.
4. I further explained this as a human liability by incorporating the LA Times article, Ancient Brains, Modern Dilemma just to keep things interesting. It's far-fetched when compared to homework, but relates to the human/tech interface.
5. Finally, I suggested a caveat. If kids are showing signs of being overwhlemed by too many sources of info then we (as parents, teachers, etc.) have an obligation to step in. It is my opinion that we do a good job of keeping an eye on this in our community.
Hope that helps.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Changing to Learn
If you're always trying to get to the top
You don't get to the bottom of nothing
- Gotye
I told my friend and colleague that I recently fell in love again.
I had spent a few minutes updating her on my latest musings and reflections and, then I laid out the epiphany that was in love with an old flame.
I had been pursuing a new love interest for some time. It was a somewhat younger object of my desire, although I had convinced myself what I had to offer was still relevant; some things are timeless I had decided.
I knew colleagues my age (and older) running around with hot new things so it wasn't unprecedented. What caught my eye, and lit what I thought was passion's fire, was sleeker and more visibly pleasing than anything I'd been spending time with. And, they were going places as a result. I was feeling stuck with my old paradigm.
So, the chase was on. At first, I used our differences as a selling point for why we should hook up. It seemed to work. I felt pleased that I had something to offer and that it was mutually beneficial.
I pursued my new muse with abandon. People noticed the change. I found myself in new circles. I thoroughly enjoyed the new ideas, personalities and potential in the new relationship.
I still went home, my mind afloat in the euphoria. I was intoxicated by the possibilities and excitement in this new relationship. I had been true to another for so long, yet frustrated by the lack of excitement and relevance. I was finally in a stream that moved swiftly toward the sea. I had been ready for this for a long time it seemed.
Like all honeymoons, though, this one crawled to an end. The hard work of maintaining a healthy relationship is constant. It's because learning is constant throughout life. One can deny learning. Most resist it while some embrace it.
CLARIFICATION ALERT: It's important to note that learning and change are not the same thing. While change is also "constant", it sets the stage for learning. Change is the scene and learning is the acting. Change is the ocean, learning is the sailing.
The interest and curiosity remains but the passion has faded. In this ebbing, I have discovered three (I love threes) important things:
1. I am compatible with a great many partners. I have something relevant to offer any relationship which should remain an option for me.
2. I am the basic reason my relationships work or don't. In other words, I cannot escape myself. My predispositions are strong and influence all of my relationships. Apples and trees truly grow and fall close together. This is not only inescapable, it's also a source of great strength and opportunity. Know your past, know your future.
3. My original choice for a partner was a very good one. I let myself be seduced by the excitement and false transcendence of a new "model". I understand this now and am working hard to leverage this partnership. I make no bones about my pursuit of another; I learned a lot, after all. In the end, I am energized by the wisdom I possess from the learning in both experiences.
I cannot change. I can, however, continue to learn. Life will present infinite opportunities to chose. In my choices, however, I have learned that I can never deny "myself". A few quotes to illustrate the point:
Louisa May Alcott:
"Do the things you know and you shall learn the truths you need to know"
Stephen Covey:
"10% of life is made up of what happens to you, but 90% is decided by how you react."
Albus Dumbledore:
“It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
FULL DISCLOSURE ALERT: The above "affair" had to do with my pursuit of educational technology. Ed Tech caught my eye and had my tongue wagging for almost a year. The truth is, all of what we do with technology will be limited by the human interface. This is my old flame; it's whom I should be with and it's the relationship I should be nurturing.
Human nature (motivation, creativity, supporting and managing our quirks) is the girl I brought to the dance. I now understand this is the girl with which I need to dance (euphorically and with abandon). More importantly, though, this is the girl I want to dance with!
Risk and Reward
Yesterday, I wrote about rewards and the fact that they are not a significant part of my parental or scholastic repertoire. In fact, I am opposed to them as a "Go To" strategy for facilitating my kids' achievement.
Today, I'd like to clarify and expand. If I don't subscribe to the use of extrinsic rewards as a motivator at home or in my classroom, then what is it that I think "works". Ownership works. Of course, I try to build rapport and communicate clearly. And, I don't treat kids as tabula rasa or do try to "be their buddy".
It's remarkable how often I see an adult taking advantage of the age differential with teens along the lines of "I said so."
Here's a thought: Kids understand social interaction better than adults.
Here's why: Adolescents today have been exposed to more examples of human interaction than I have. I grew up with TV and reality (not Reality TV). Teenagers have access to hundreds of channels on television as compared to my ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS and the local network.
And then there's You Tube. Game over?
I recently wrote that video will be the dominant form of communication before long. It's not to say that the printed word isn't important (though, it's role will, primarily, be relegated to the planning of the video or in a truncated fashion - texting, Tweeting, etc.).
Books will continue to exist, but video will reign supreme. It's easier than ever to capture, edit and distribute. Entire industries will be impacted (Hollywood & publishing, in particular).
Bottom line, this generation is audio-visual. Their world is brought to them via screens & speakers. Go ahead and fight it - I dare you. There are better (and easier) battles to fight, though.
The idea I'm sharing here is that the "observing" that kids do regarding human interaction, modeling and norming is changing. Tipper Gore wanted to get rid of Devil Music back in the 80s. I can only imagine what she might think of the Hong Kong Kids. Putting a warning label on a record or keeping kids out of the music store, is one thing. Unplugging kids from all the information in the universe and at their fingertips is another.
We shouldn't unplug kids, anyway. It's essential for their development
Real human interaction will never go away either, of course. At the very least, teens crave their peer time. They are still getting this at school, at the mall and at practice, but the virtual observations are a constant background noise everyday. And it's engaging as hell.
And, let's not forget that parents of kids a generation back complained about video games, time on the telephone and watching too much TV, etc. Really, not that much different than today on the surface.
But below the surface - below the proverbial tip - there is a massive digital information iceberg. Adults have little control over our kids' media consumption and communication. It's mobile and infinite. Our kids can access anything at anytime.
“If you want to teach people a new way of thinking, don't bother trying to teach them. Instead, give them a tool, the use of which will lead to new ways of thinking.”
― Richard Buckminster Fuller
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Screen Shots
I'm in the midst of parent conferences and don't have much time so I'm going to quickly copy paste a couple of things that go together; discuss.
First, there was this.
And, here are two thoughtful, intelligent and non-hostile reactions:
Psychology Today
LA Times
Now, there's this. Apparently, this was made by kids still in an international high school in Hong Kong. Based on the above, what - if anything - should be the school's reaction?
First, there was this.
And, here are two thoughtful, intelligent and non-hostile reactions:
Psychology Today
LA Times
Now, there's this. Apparently, this was made by kids still in an international high school in Hong Kong. Based on the above, what - if anything - should be the school's reaction?
Monday, October 8, 2012
What's it Worth to You?
My eleven year old daughter had just listed off her current grades on her iPhone. She knew how to find the info from the school's web site. She also knows that I have access to the same information and that I rarely check it (and discuss it even less).
"Math, B"
"RLA, B"
Social Studies, A"
"Science..."
"Choir, A"
"Cooking, A"
Hey, what about Science?
"Oh, didn't I already say that?"
No
"Oh, it's a C but It'll go up this week..."
There is truth and there are lies and there are omissions & statistics somewhere in the middle.
After a minute she asked this:
"What will I get if I get all A's and B's on my report card?"
I gave her the look of someone who's just been asked how to say pomegranate in Swahili.
Have we ever rewarded you (or punished you for that matter) for a grade report? Sure, we'll go out to dinner to hang out and celebrate the end of another year. And, we will acknowledge teacher comments as well as the letter grade. But rewards?
We're relatively aware of our high schoolers' GPAs. No, we don't reward or punish for grades. After all, our girls know how "school" works. It's a bit of a game, after all and there are rules for playing the game. More importantly, they know the consequences of their actions and make decisions accordingly. The decisions haven't always been positive, of course. But, they always know that they have to "own" them; not us.
Our eldest refused to give an oral report in her 6th grade RLA class. The teacher explained to her and to us that she would drop a letter grade if she didn't give the report. We encouraged her to get over herself, but didn't, otherwise, intervene. She refused and received the B instead of the A. Lesson learned?
Nope. She engaged in a battle of wills with her Freshman English teacher and took a D at the end of the first term. This is a kid that was reading the Harry Potter series (with great comprehension and enthusiasm) from grade one. It wasn't ability, it was a choice to resist the teacher and his style. Like the 6th grade issue, she refused to back down and took the hit; consciously, willingly and stubbornly.
My wife and I come from a stubborn lineage. This must've had some evolutionary value back in the old country because we seriously have it in spades.
Anyway, it's difficult to know why our youngest wasn't hip to the lack of rewards for report card grades (she's the youngest of three and in her first year of middle school so, perhaps, she really didn't know). Or, maybe she did know and was just being persistent and hopeful or, more ancestrally, stubborn.
There's a lot of literature on rewards in educational and psychological world.
I agree with this guy.
He has A LOT to say about this topic.
I don't need to read all of his books to know this. I only have to look at myself to understand motivation and what makes my kids "tick".
Purpose, Making a Contribution and Mastery (through ownership of the task).
More on this tomorrow as it relates to necessary risk-taking and trust...
"Math, B"
"RLA, B"
Social Studies, A"
"Science..."
"Choir, A"
"Cooking, A"
Hey, what about Science?
"Oh, didn't I already say that?"
No
"Oh, it's a C but It'll go up this week..."
There is truth and there are lies and there are omissions & statistics somewhere in the middle.
After a minute she asked this:
"What will I get if I get all A's and B's on my report card?"
I gave her the look of someone who's just been asked how to say pomegranate in Swahili.
Have we ever rewarded you (or punished you for that matter) for a grade report? Sure, we'll go out to dinner to hang out and celebrate the end of another year. And, we will acknowledge teacher comments as well as the letter grade. But rewards?
We're relatively aware of our high schoolers' GPAs. No, we don't reward or punish for grades. After all, our girls know how "school" works. It's a bit of a game, after all and there are rules for playing the game. More importantly, they know the consequences of their actions and make decisions accordingly. The decisions haven't always been positive, of course. But, they always know that they have to "own" them; not us.
Our eldest refused to give an oral report in her 6th grade RLA class. The teacher explained to her and to us that she would drop a letter grade if she didn't give the report. We encouraged her to get over herself, but didn't, otherwise, intervene. She refused and received the B instead of the A. Lesson learned?
Nope. She engaged in a battle of wills with her Freshman English teacher and took a D at the end of the first term. This is a kid that was reading the Harry Potter series (with great comprehension and enthusiasm) from grade one. It wasn't ability, it was a choice to resist the teacher and his style. Like the 6th grade issue, she refused to back down and took the hit; consciously, willingly and stubbornly.
My wife and I come from a stubborn lineage. This must've had some evolutionary value back in the old country because we seriously have it in spades.
Anyway, it's difficult to know why our youngest wasn't hip to the lack of rewards for report card grades (she's the youngest of three and in her first year of middle school so, perhaps, she really didn't know). Or, maybe she did know and was just being persistent and hopeful or, more ancestrally, stubborn.
There's a lot of literature on rewards in educational and psychological world.
I agree with this guy.
He has A LOT to say about this topic.
I don't need to read all of his books to know this. I only have to look at myself to understand motivation and what makes my kids "tick".
Purpose, Making a Contribution and Mastery (through ownership of the task).
More on this tomorrow as it relates to necessary risk-taking and trust...
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Flow Rider
It's Sunday morning and I'm off for a bike ride.
Bike rides are good for the body and good for the head. The physical benefits are easy enough to understand.
"He can't think unless his legs are going around in circles." This is how my buddy's wife assesses her husband's obsession with riding.
And, maybe she's right:
Have a flowing-ly good Sunday!
Bike rides are good for the body and good for the head. The physical benefits are easy enough to understand.
"He can't think unless his legs are going around in circles." This is how my buddy's wife assesses her husband's obsession with riding.
And, maybe she's right:
Have a flowing-ly good Sunday!
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Zen and the Art of Housekeeping
It's a sunny Saturday morning here on the Equator. I'm sweating, once again. This time it's vacuuming that's driving the drippy-ness. I'm not this guy, but it's a good work out and kills the proverbial two birds with one stone. Added bonus: It freaks out my dogs which is always funny.
Besides, I don't have a choice.
Lucille by Kenny Rogers
My maid's gone, my wife's traveling and the kids are busy with practices and rehearsals.
Laundry, grocery shopping, walk the dog, feed the dogs, vacuum the house...
So, it's fitting that I've got a Country music playlist going.
Heathens by Drive By Truckers
I learned to do housework in college. I lived with 3 other guys in a tiny two bedroom apartment. We were young and dumb and on our own for the first time (I still have the eviction notice in a file somewhere). We made our own meals, took our our own trash and did our own dishes (the consequence for not doing dishes -besides cockroaches- was to find them piled on your bed). We had all held jobs during high school and weren't clueless about how to do work. Just the same, the built-in urgency to actually do housework (because no one was going to do it for us) forced us into action.
We may not have been white tornados but we kept the roaches at bay and the dishes off our pillows (for the most part - I hated doing dishes). Plus, there was pride in a job well done because the apartment was a reflection of ourselves.
Workin' Man's Blues by Merle Haggard
I am reminded of this as I immerse myself in housework tasks that I previously took for granted. More accurately, I took my maid's management of the chores for granted. I always appreciated her and told her so, but I never had to think about it much beyond that.
And, now she's gone. I'm the one moving furniture, plugging and unplugging the vacuum as I negotiate the angles, nooks and crannies of the living room, dining room and kitchen. The dishes are piled up and there's a bag of dog poo that needs to get to the trash bin before too long.
Walk the Line by Johnny Cash
There's something really engaging about this reality, though. It goes beyond my college experience of "pride in a job well-done". This work is engaging because it is empowering. When my maid did the laundry, the grocery shopping, the feeding of the dogs and the housekeeping she was directly connected to the experience; now it's me that's connected to the work.
It's only been a week so we'll see how long I feel this enthusiastic, but here's what I am experiencing by being directly engaged in this work:
I Believe by Chris Isaak
- I'm more conscious. I am looking at my domestic life with new eyes.
It isn't just vacuuming, it's the vacuum cleaner (the bags, its storage, etc.) that must be considered as well.
- I'm using strategy to increase efficiency and effectiveness of the tasks.
Everyone bring their laundry and trash to a central collection point for processing.
- I'm asking for help when I need it
I'll walk the dog after dinner, kids clear table and wash and dry dishes.
- I'm learning that I need a system for keeping track of my responsibilities (grocery lists, laundry, etc.). I, not only, need to develop this system based on real factors, also need to communicate the system to my children.
- Finally, I recognize the leverage that exists in this scenario. I cannot "check out" from these responsibilities nor can my children.
No coordination of efforts = somebody's going to be disappointed.
It's authentic.
Teach Your Children by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
This authenticity describes the components of something I call "ownership" as it relates to Raising Adolescence.
It is my belief that kids don't really learn without ownership of a task. It's possible, of course, that I am mistaken. Ownership of responsibilities does, however, seem to be in short supply in the teen years. As a parent and teacher, though, it is concerning to me how few real opportunities there are for kids to "own" their responsibilities and experiences, nay, learning.
Dr. Joe Allen in his book, Escaping the Endless Adolescence
“We place kids in schools together with hundreds, sometimes thousands, of other kids typically from similar economic and cultural backgrounds. We group them all within a year or so of one another in age. We equip them with similar gadgets, expose them to the same TV shows, lessons, and sports. We ask them all to take almost the exact same courses and do the exact same work and be graded relative to one another. We give them only a handful of ways in which they can meaningfully demonstrate their competencies. And then we’re surprised they have some difficulty establishing a sense of their own individuality.”
More:
“Most parents will tell you that this idea of the immature teen brain is one of the few notions that truly provides them comfort,” says Allen. “They feel like it gets them off the hook – that it’s biological, not a fault of parenting.” But Allen speculates that our parenting style may indeed be causing their brains to be this way. Brains of teens a hundred years ago might have been far more mature. Without painful real-life experiences, modern teens’ brains never learn to tell the difference between what they should fear and what they shouldn’t. Without real consequences and real rewards, teens never learn to distinguish between good risks they should take and bad risks they shouldn’t. “We park kids on the sidelines, thinking their brains will develop if we just wait, let time pass, as if all they need is more prep courses, lessons, and enrichment courses. They need real stress and challenges.”
I'll have to do more research but I believe ownership and risk-taking intersect the science of motivation. This is the next frontier of brain research and there is much buzz for "Why we do what we do when, where and how we do it".
Take a Drive into some motivation research.
I'm not saying that kids need to do chores in order to mature (although it seems to be helping me). I do feel strongly, however, that kids should find themselves in situations that are out of their comfort zone and which require them to have to think and work though adversity to a solution.
I offer these as real world / 21st Century opportunities for our kids to own and, therefore, learn:
1. Kids having their own ATM cards and an adequate "income" to be budgeted, withdrawn and spent on their own. Parents can monitor and manage via online banking. Furthermore, this "allowance" shouldn't be tied to chores. Kids have access to lunch and pocket money all the time. Possessing their own ATM card with their own PIN and their own money makes this an empowering process for a child learning to be more thoughtful about their money choices.
2. Kids should attend resident camps during their Summer break. Sleep away camps can empower a child to figure out that they can take care of themselves without mom and dad around. It doesn't have to be far away or for many nights but all kids should have this experience.
3. Parents of young children should expose their kids to many different extracurricular activities (physical, artistic, etc.). By middle school the kids should have a stronger voice in choosing to continue with some activities and drop others. By high school kids should be able to connect their interests and experience with a few activities of their complete choice.
4. Kids shouldn't be taught (directly or indirectly) that the internet is dangerous. It is like fire, metaphorically; A powerful force that must not be taken lightly but must, instead, be manipulated in order to access and hone its power.
So, I gotta ask:
What other authentic ownership and learning experiences would you recommend for kids in the 21st Century?
OK, back to work. Now where did I leave that bag of dog poo?
Besides, I don't have a choice.
Lucille by Kenny Rogers
My maid's gone, my wife's traveling and the kids are busy with practices and rehearsals.
Laundry, grocery shopping, walk the dog, feed the dogs, vacuum the house...
So, it's fitting that I've got a Country music playlist going.
Heathens by Drive By Truckers
I learned to do housework in college. I lived with 3 other guys in a tiny two bedroom apartment. We were young and dumb and on our own for the first time (I still have the eviction notice in a file somewhere). We made our own meals, took our our own trash and did our own dishes (the consequence for not doing dishes -besides cockroaches- was to find them piled on your bed). We had all held jobs during high school and weren't clueless about how to do work. Just the same, the built-in urgency to actually do housework (because no one was going to do it for us) forced us into action.
We may not have been white tornados but we kept the roaches at bay and the dishes off our pillows (for the most part - I hated doing dishes). Plus, there was pride in a job well done because the apartment was a reflection of ourselves.
Workin' Man's Blues by Merle Haggard
I am reminded of this as I immerse myself in housework tasks that I previously took for granted. More accurately, I took my maid's management of the chores for granted. I always appreciated her and told her so, but I never had to think about it much beyond that.
And, now she's gone. I'm the one moving furniture, plugging and unplugging the vacuum as I negotiate the angles, nooks and crannies of the living room, dining room and kitchen. The dishes are piled up and there's a bag of dog poo that needs to get to the trash bin before too long.
Walk the Line by Johnny Cash
There's something really engaging about this reality, though. It goes beyond my college experience of "pride in a job well-done". This work is engaging because it is empowering. When my maid did the laundry, the grocery shopping, the feeding of the dogs and the housekeeping she was directly connected to the experience; now it's me that's connected to the work.
It's only been a week so we'll see how long I feel this enthusiastic, but here's what I am experiencing by being directly engaged in this work:
I Believe by Chris Isaak
- I'm more conscious. I am looking at my domestic life with new eyes.
It isn't just vacuuming, it's the vacuum cleaner (the bags, its storage, etc.) that must be considered as well.
- I'm using strategy to increase efficiency and effectiveness of the tasks.
Everyone bring their laundry and trash to a central collection point for processing.
- I'm asking for help when I need it
I'll walk the dog after dinner, kids clear table and wash and dry dishes.
- I'm learning that I need a system for keeping track of my responsibilities (grocery lists, laundry, etc.). I, not only, need to develop this system based on real factors, also need to communicate the system to my children.
- Finally, I recognize the leverage that exists in this scenario. I cannot "check out" from these responsibilities nor can my children.
No coordination of efforts = somebody's going to be disappointed.
It's authentic.
Teach Your Children by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
This authenticity describes the components of something I call "ownership" as it relates to Raising Adolescence.
It is my belief that kids don't really learn without ownership of a task. It's possible, of course, that I am mistaken. Ownership of responsibilities does, however, seem to be in short supply in the teen years. As a parent and teacher, though, it is concerning to me how few real opportunities there are for kids to "own" their responsibilities and experiences, nay, learning.
Dr. Joe Allen in his book, Escaping the Endless Adolescence
“We place kids in schools together with hundreds, sometimes thousands, of other kids typically from similar economic and cultural backgrounds. We group them all within a year or so of one another in age. We equip them with similar gadgets, expose them to the same TV shows, lessons, and sports. We ask them all to take almost the exact same courses and do the exact same work and be graded relative to one another. We give them only a handful of ways in which they can meaningfully demonstrate their competencies. And then we’re surprised they have some difficulty establishing a sense of their own individuality.”
More:
“Most parents will tell you that this idea of the immature teen brain is one of the few notions that truly provides them comfort,” says Allen. “They feel like it gets them off the hook – that it’s biological, not a fault of parenting.” But Allen speculates that our parenting style may indeed be causing their brains to be this way. Brains of teens a hundred years ago might have been far more mature. Without painful real-life experiences, modern teens’ brains never learn to tell the difference between what they should fear and what they shouldn’t. Without real consequences and real rewards, teens never learn to distinguish between good risks they should take and bad risks they shouldn’t. “We park kids on the sidelines, thinking their brains will develop if we just wait, let time pass, as if all they need is more prep courses, lessons, and enrichment courses. They need real stress and challenges.”
I'll have to do more research but I believe ownership and risk-taking intersect the science of motivation. This is the next frontier of brain research and there is much buzz for "Why we do what we do when, where and how we do it".
Take a Drive into some motivation research.
I'm not saying that kids need to do chores in order to mature (although it seems to be helping me). I do feel strongly, however, that kids should find themselves in situations that are out of their comfort zone and which require them to have to think and work though adversity to a solution.
I offer these as real world / 21st Century opportunities for our kids to own and, therefore, learn:
1. Kids having their own ATM cards and an adequate "income" to be budgeted, withdrawn and spent on their own. Parents can monitor and manage via online banking. Furthermore, this "allowance" shouldn't be tied to chores. Kids have access to lunch and pocket money all the time. Possessing their own ATM card with their own PIN and their own money makes this an empowering process for a child learning to be more thoughtful about their money choices.
2. Kids should attend resident camps during their Summer break. Sleep away camps can empower a child to figure out that they can take care of themselves without mom and dad around. It doesn't have to be far away or for many nights but all kids should have this experience.
3. Parents of young children should expose their kids to many different extracurricular activities (physical, artistic, etc.). By middle school the kids should have a stronger voice in choosing to continue with some activities and drop others. By high school kids should be able to connect their interests and experience with a few activities of their complete choice.
4. Kids shouldn't be taught (directly or indirectly) that the internet is dangerous. It is like fire, metaphorically; A powerful force that must not be taken lightly but must, instead, be manipulated in order to access and hone its power.
So, I gotta ask:
What other authentic ownership and learning experiences would you recommend for kids in the 21st Century?
OK, back to work. Now where did I leave that bag of dog poo?
Friday, October 5, 2012
Success and Failure: A Love Story
"The secret to success is the constancy of purpose"
- Benjamin Disraeli
I love this quote because it reminds me to stop thinking (my default mode), dig in and get the good work done.
Good work is thoughtful, meaningful, sustainable and inspiring. It's not easy and is risky because it is transformative (change is scary). It's the synthesis of working smart and hard and with purpose. The results are not ordinary. They take a lot of thought, patience and determination. It's very much like being an effective
I've decided to do the good work right here in my blog. In addition to writing about Raising Adolescents, I've decided to address three fundamental and daily hurdles:
1. Write everyday
2. Reconcile my money issues
3. Improve my fitness
Before this turns into an Oprah blog, let me be clear, I'll steer clear of the emotional baggage that comes with these midlife (Stuck in the Middle Life With You?!) issues.
The parallel I draw between my motivation and my kids'(students and offspring alike) is not a stretch. Life long learning is an ongoing phenomena and not just a catch phrase for mission statements . Adolescents and middle age and on and on are ripe with opportunities to learn and grow as a result. In fact, I was recently told that I was acting like a teenager...
Success, indeed, requires purpose and a daily commitment. Good, bad or ugly, I'm going to write about what I know and what it is that I need to grow.
"Success Breeds Success"
- Mia Hamm
And, when I am successful I will be encouraged to soar higher. I'll take more chances as a result. Isn't this how our kids work as well?
Uh, what about Icarus?"
"Fail often so you can succeed sooner."
- Tom Kelley
Failure is essential for growth. We forget, avoid and cover that up (denial, selective attention, Absolut Amnesia) but we can't really learn if we don't hit the edges. When we hit the edges, we will fall off, occasionally.
I never hear this anymore:
"If at first you don't succeed, try try again."
It seemed as though this was the Go To remark by any adult looking to encourage, redirect or guide me toward success when I was a kid. Are we still saying this to kids? If so, it's good advice for adults as well.
Still...
If we're not saying it to kids is it because they're not taking developmentally and necessary risks in order to learn better and faster? Is our kids' world too programmed and safe? There are blessings in skinned knees, after all.
And, what about us old folks? Are we too old to receive an encouraging "try try again"? Or, for that matter, are we too old to try new things?
I've decided to take a risk by reflecting, somewhat publicly, on a few sticking points, musings and plain old wonders. The intent is to get it out of my head so that I can make sense of it. In turn, I expect that I will better understand, not only myself, but also my children at home and school. If I strike a chord with my readers then that's great as well.
"Do the things you know and you shall learn the truth you need to know"
- Louisa May Alcott
- Benjamin Disraeli
I love this quote because it reminds me to stop thinking (my default mode), dig in and get the good work done.
Good work is thoughtful, meaningful, sustainable and inspiring. It's not easy and is risky because it is transformative (change is scary). It's the synthesis of working smart and hard and with purpose. The results are not ordinary. They take a lot of thought, patience and determination. It's very much like being an effective
I've decided to do the good work right here in my blog. In addition to writing about Raising Adolescents, I've decided to address three fundamental and daily hurdles:
1. Write everyday
2. Reconcile my money issues
3. Improve my fitness
Before this turns into an Oprah blog, let me be clear, I'll steer clear of the emotional baggage that comes with these midlife (Stuck in the Middle Life With You?!) issues.
The parallel I draw between my motivation and my kids'(students and offspring alike) is not a stretch. Life long learning is an ongoing phenomena and not just a catch phrase for mission statements . Adolescents and middle age and on and on are ripe with opportunities to learn and grow as a result. In fact, I was recently told that I was acting like a teenager...
Success, indeed, requires purpose and a daily commitment. Good, bad or ugly, I'm going to write about what I know and what it is that I need to grow.
"Success Breeds Success"
- Mia Hamm
And, when I am successful I will be encouraged to soar higher. I'll take more chances as a result. Isn't this how our kids work as well?
Uh, what about Icarus?"
"Fail often so you can succeed sooner."
- Tom Kelley
Failure is essential for growth. We forget, avoid and cover that up (denial, selective attention, Absolut Amnesia) but we can't really learn if we don't hit the edges. When we hit the edges, we will fall off, occasionally.
I never hear this anymore:
"If at first you don't succeed, try try again."
It seemed as though this was the Go To remark by any adult looking to encourage, redirect or guide me toward success when I was a kid. Are we still saying this to kids? If so, it's good advice for adults as well.
Still...
If we're not saying it to kids is it because they're not taking developmentally and necessary risks in order to learn better and faster? Is our kids' world too programmed and safe? There are blessings in skinned knees, after all.
And, what about us old folks? Are we too old to receive an encouraging "try try again"? Or, for that matter, are we too old to try new things?
I've decided to take a risk by reflecting, somewhat publicly, on a few sticking points, musings and plain old wonders. The intent is to get it out of my head so that I can make sense of it. In turn, I expect that I will better understand, not only myself, but also my children at home and school. If I strike a chord with my readers then that's great as well.
"Do the things you know and you shall learn the truth you need to know"
- Louisa May Alcott
Thursday, October 4, 2012
What Do I Know?
I'm a writer.
At the moment, I'm also dripping in sweat and about to finish the last of a peanut butter and butterscotch chip concoction .
"They" say to write about what you know and write everyday in order to "be" a writer.
This advice goes beyond the obvious and literal message, I write words therefore I'm a writer of words... but doesn't quite get to the deeply-thinking level of:
What's the sound of one hand clapping?.
It is, in my opinion, closer to A woman needs a man the way a fish needs a bicycle.
Let's break it down a bit:
Write Everyday
This is practical. It seems to reason that if one writes daily, one gets more writing done; easy enough.
Write About What You Know
This is trickier. I know a lot of things. I know, for example, that Reese's should never expect to make money on a peanut butter and butterscotch concoction (Listen, all I could think about on my bike ride this afternoon was peanut butter with semi-sweet chocolate chips . Imagine my bummer level when I discovered the Nestle product in my freezer was butterscotch chips and not chocolate).
I know a fair amount about kids as a teacher and a parent of almost 20 years.
And, I know when I've upset my wife (although it would be great to know when I'm almost upsetting her. Alas, timing is everything).
Some more "know"ledge (Build on What I Know):
I know what it's like to live in Claremont, CA and La Paz, Bolivia and Singapore.
I know how to program a VCR (analogous to knowing how to hunt caribou for most of us, I know. Still, if you need help with that Thursday 8pm show on NBC, I'm your guy).
I know what it's like to ride a Harley 200 miles straight into the Mojave Desert in the middle of Summer.
And, I know what it feels like to let a 15 year old daughter pursue her dream, convince her mother and explain to her sisters why it's worth supporting (even though it's a bummer not to have her around).
Hey, I don't want to give the impression that I know everything. There's a bunch of stuff I don't know at all.
Know What I Don't Know
I don't know how to live within my means.
I don't know how to live a boring life (see previous).
I don't know how to adjust the derailleur on my bike.
But I do know that each of these matter in my life.
I don't know how to live within my means.
This is not new. We are not frivolous nor are we living like paupers. We just can't get through the month, fiscally-speaking).
-We are a dynamic family of five (two teens plus one on the verge).
-We believe in nurturing the whole child so we spend the money on extra-curriculars. $$$
-School bus, taxi, public transportation, gasoline & maintenance $$$
-We don't eat sand nor do our pets. $$$
-We take vacations from time to time. $$$
-We host dinner parties and sleepovers a few times a year. $$
-We return home in the Summer and do a bit of shopping & living. $$$
-We support real estate investments in the US (full and part time rental properties). $$
-We go out as a family or as a couple once or twice a month. $$
We have a nice house that we furnished eclectically and tastefully but not expensively. We run air conditioning at night mostly. We are comfortable at home. $$
We do not penny pinch. We recently saw our maid return to her home after 6 years and have no plans to replace her at the moment. We sold our car two years ago and have an inexpensive motorcycle for transportation. We've done a hard analysis of our budget and find few places to cut.
We have credit debt. $$$$
No memberships to clubs. No expensive hobbies. No illegal vices.
And, no regrets. Worries and frustrations for sure, but no regrets. We have met interesting people and traveled. Our kids are better for the experience. It has, as a twisted rationalization, been a good investment in out kids' future.
I don't know how to live a boring life.
My wife and I have friends. Our kids have friends. We are social and love to have a good time. It keeps us young. We try and have people to the house as it's a relatively inexpensive way to socialize. Furthermore, we travel (individually, together and with others). We love our alone time but can't live without our friends.
I don't know how to adjust the derailleur on my bike.
The derailleur is a mechanical part of a bicycle's drive train. Leave it at that. They are not impossible to adjust; I just don't know how to do it. If I had an issue on the road, I would be poorly-prepared for the repair.
Here's the thing: I am a writer. As such, I am going to write about what I know and do it daily. I'm going to continue writing about raising adolescents (in schools and at home). My blogging has been sporadic at best, however.
But, something new happens everyday - something that affirms what i already know or challenges it. That seems like a good opportunity to write & reflect.
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
Confucius must have been a writer.
At the moment, I'm also dripping in sweat and about to finish the last of a peanut butter and butterscotch chip concoction .
"They" say to write about what you know and write everyday in order to "be" a writer.
This advice goes beyond the obvious and literal message, I write words therefore I'm a writer of words... but doesn't quite get to the deeply-thinking level of:
What's the sound of one hand clapping?.
It is, in my opinion, closer to A woman needs a man the way a fish needs a bicycle.
Let's break it down a bit:
Write Everyday
This is practical. It seems to reason that if one writes daily, one gets more writing done; easy enough.
Write About What You Know
This is trickier. I know a lot of things. I know, for example, that Reese's should never expect to make money on a peanut butter and butterscotch concoction (Listen, all I could think about on my bike ride this afternoon was peanut butter with semi-sweet chocolate chips . Imagine my bummer level when I discovered the Nestle product in my freezer was butterscotch chips and not chocolate).
I know a fair amount about kids as a teacher and a parent of almost 20 years.
And, I know when I've upset my wife (although it would be great to know when I'm almost upsetting her. Alas, timing is everything).
Some more "know"ledge (Build on What I Know):
I know what it's like to live in Claremont, CA and La Paz, Bolivia and Singapore.
I know how to program a VCR (analogous to knowing how to hunt caribou for most of us, I know. Still, if you need help with that Thursday 8pm show on NBC, I'm your guy).
I know what it's like to ride a Harley 200 miles straight into the Mojave Desert in the middle of Summer.
And, I know what it feels like to let a 15 year old daughter pursue her dream, convince her mother and explain to her sisters why it's worth supporting (even though it's a bummer not to have her around).
Hey, I don't want to give the impression that I know everything. There's a bunch of stuff I don't know at all.
Know What I Don't Know
I don't know how to live within my means.
I don't know how to live a boring life (see previous).
I don't know how to adjust the derailleur on my bike.
But I do know that each of these matter in my life.
I don't know how to live within my means.
This is not new. We are not frivolous nor are we living like paupers. We just can't get through the month, fiscally-speaking).
-We are a dynamic family of five (two teens plus one on the verge).
-We believe in nurturing the whole child so we spend the money on extra-curriculars. $$$
-School bus, taxi, public transportation, gasoline & maintenance $$$
-We don't eat sand nor do our pets. $$$
-We take vacations from time to time. $$$
-We host dinner parties and sleepovers a few times a year. $$
-We return home in the Summer and do a bit of shopping & living. $$$
-We support real estate investments in the US (full and part time rental properties). $$
-We go out as a family or as a couple once or twice a month. $$
We have a nice house that we furnished eclectically and tastefully but not expensively. We run air conditioning at night mostly. We are comfortable at home. $$
We do not penny pinch. We recently saw our maid return to her home after 6 years and have no plans to replace her at the moment. We sold our car two years ago and have an inexpensive motorcycle for transportation. We've done a hard analysis of our budget and find few places to cut.
We have credit debt. $$$$
No memberships to clubs. No expensive hobbies. No illegal vices.
And, no regrets. Worries and frustrations for sure, but no regrets. We have met interesting people and traveled. Our kids are better for the experience. It has, as a twisted rationalization, been a good investment in out kids' future.
I don't know how to live a boring life.
My wife and I have friends. Our kids have friends. We are social and love to have a good time. It keeps us young. We try and have people to the house as it's a relatively inexpensive way to socialize. Furthermore, we travel (individually, together and with others). We love our alone time but can't live without our friends.
I don't know how to adjust the derailleur on my bike.
The derailleur is a mechanical part of a bicycle's drive train. Leave it at that. They are not impossible to adjust; I just don't know how to do it. If I had an issue on the road, I would be poorly-prepared for the repair.
Here's the thing: I am a writer. As such, I am going to write about what I know and do it daily. I'm going to continue writing about raising adolescents (in schools and at home). My blogging has been sporadic at best, however.
But, something new happens everyday - something that affirms what i already know or challenges it. That seems like a good opportunity to write & reflect.
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
Confucius must have been a writer.
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