Changing to Learn

If you're always trying to get to the top
You don't get to the bottom of nothing  

- Gotye


I told my friend and colleague that I recently fell in love again. 

I had spent a few minutes updating her on my latest musings and reflections and, then I laid out the epiphany that was in love with an old flame.

I had been pursuing a new love interest for some time.  It was a somewhat younger object of my desire, although I had convinced myself what I had to offer was still relevant; some things are timeless I had decided.  

I knew colleagues my age (and older) running around with hot new things so it wasn't unprecedented.  What caught my eye,  and lit what I thought was passion's fire, was sleeker and more visibly pleasing than anything I'd been spending time with.  And, they were going places as a result.  I was feeling stuck with my old paradigm.

So, the chase was on.  At first, I used our differences as a selling point for why we should hook up.  It seemed to work.  I felt pleased that I had something to offer and that it was mutually beneficial.  

I pursued my new muse with abandon.  People noticed the change.  I found myself in new circles.  I thoroughly enjoyed the new ideas, personalities and potential in the new relationship.

I still went home, my mind afloat in the euphoria.  I was intoxicated by the possibilities and excitement in this new relationship.  I had been true to another for so long, yet frustrated by the lack of excitement and relevance.  I was finally in a stream that moved swiftly toward the sea.  I had been ready for this for a long time it seemed.

Like all honeymoons, though, this one crawled to an end.  The hard work of maintaining a healthy relationship is constant.  It's because learning is constant throughout life.  One can deny learning.  Most resist it while some embrace it.  

CLARIFICATION ALERT:  It's important to note that learning and change are not the same thing.  While change is also "constant", it sets the stage for learning.  Change is the scene and learning is the acting.  Change is the ocean, learning is the sailing. 

The interest and curiosity remains but the passion has faded.  In this ebbing, I have discovered three (I love threes) important things:

1.  I am compatible with a great many partners.  I have something relevant to offer any relationship which should remain an option for me.

2.  I am the basic reason my relationships work or don't.  In other words, I cannot escape myself.  My predispositions are strong and influence all of my relationships.  Apples and trees truly grow and fall close together.  This is not only inescapable, it's also a source of great strength and opportunity.  Know your past, know your future.

3.  My original choice for a partner was a very good one.  I let myself be seduced by the excitement and false transcendence of a new "model".  I understand this now and am working hard to leverage this partnership.  I make no bones about my pursuit of another; I learned a lot, after all.  In the end, I am energized by the wisdom I possess from the learning in both experiences.   

I cannot change.  I can, however, continue to learn.  Life will present infinite opportunities to chose.  In my choices, however, I have learned that I can never deny "myself".  A few quotes to illustrate the point:

Louisa May Alcott:

"Do the things you know and you shall learn the truths you need to know"

Stephen Covey:

"10% of life is made up of what happens to you, but 90% is decided by how you react."

Albus Dumbledore:

“It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

FULL DISCLOSURE ALERT:  The above "affair" had to do with my pursuit of educational technology.  Ed Tech caught my eye and had my tongue wagging for almost a year.  The truth is, all of what we do with technology will be limited by the human interface.  This is my old flame; it's whom I should be with and it's the relationship I should be nurturing.  

Human nature (motivation, creativity, supporting and managing our quirks) is the girl I brought to the dance.  I now understand this is the girl with which I need to dance (euphorically and with abandon). More importantly, though, this is the girl I want to dance with!