It's a sunny Saturday morning here on the Equator. I'm sweating, once again. This time it's vacuuming that's driving the drippy-ness. I'm not this guy, but it's a good work out and kills the proverbial two birds with one stone. Added bonus: It freaks out my dogs which is always funny.
Besides, I don't have a choice.
Lucille by Kenny Rogers
My maid's gone, my wife's traveling and the kids are busy with practices and rehearsals.
Laundry, grocery shopping, walk the dog, feed the dogs, vacuum the house...
So, it's fitting that I've got a Country music playlist going.
Heathens by Drive By Truckers
I learned to do housework in college. I lived with 3 other guys in a tiny two bedroom apartment. We were young and dumb and on our own for the first time (I still have the eviction notice in a file somewhere). We made our own meals, took our our own trash and did our own dishes (the consequence for not doing dishes -besides cockroaches- was to find them piled on your bed). We had all held jobs during high school and weren't clueless about how to do work. Just the same, the built-in urgency to actually do housework (because no one was going to do it for us) forced us into action.
We may not have been white tornados but we kept the roaches at bay and the dishes off our pillows (for the most part - I hated doing dishes). Plus, there was pride in a job well done because the apartment was a reflection of ourselves.
Workin' Man's Blues by Merle Haggard
I am reminded of this as I immerse myself in housework tasks that I previously took for granted. More accurately, I took my maid's management of the chores for granted. I always appreciated her and told her so, but I never had to think about it much beyond that.
And, now she's gone. I'm the one moving furniture, plugging and unplugging the vacuum as I negotiate the angles, nooks and crannies of the living room, dining room and kitchen. The dishes are piled up and there's a bag of dog poo that needs to get to the trash bin before too long.
Walk the Line by Johnny Cash
There's something really engaging about this reality, though. It goes beyond my college experience of "pride in a job well-done". This work is engaging because it is empowering. When my maid did the laundry, the grocery shopping, the feeding of the dogs and the housekeeping she was directly connected to the experience; now it's me that's connected to the work.
It's only been a week so we'll see how long I feel this enthusiastic, but here's what I am experiencing by being directly engaged in this work:
I Believe by Chris Isaak
- I'm more conscious. I am looking at my domestic life with new eyes.
It isn't just vacuuming, it's the vacuum cleaner (the bags, its storage, etc.) that must be considered as well.
- I'm using strategy to increase efficiency and effectiveness of the tasks.
Everyone bring their laundry and trash to a central collection point for processing.
- I'm asking for help when I need it
I'll walk the dog after dinner, kids clear table and wash and dry dishes.
- I'm learning that I need a system for keeping track of my responsibilities (grocery lists, laundry, etc.). I, not only, need to develop this system based on real factors, also need to communicate the system to my children.
- Finally, I recognize the leverage that exists in this scenario. I cannot "check out" from these responsibilities nor can my children.
No coordination of efforts = somebody's going to be disappointed.
It's authentic.
Teach Your Children by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
This authenticity describes the components of something I call "ownership" as it relates to Raising Adolescence.
It is my belief that kids don't really learn without ownership of a task. It's possible, of course, that I am mistaken. Ownership of responsibilities does, however, seem to be in short supply in the teen years. As a parent and teacher, though, it is concerning to me how few real opportunities there are for kids to "own" their responsibilities and experiences, nay, learning.
Dr. Joe Allen in his book, Escaping the Endless Adolescence
“We place kids in schools together with hundreds, sometimes thousands,
of other kids typically from similar economic and cultural backgrounds.
We group them all within a year or so of one another in age. We equip
them with similar gadgets, expose them to the same TV shows, lessons,
and sports. We ask them all to take almost the exact same courses and do
the exact same work and be graded relative to one another. We give them
only a handful of ways in which they can meaningfully demonstrate their
competencies. And then we’re surprised they have some difficulty
establishing a sense of their own individuality.”
More:
“Most parents will tell you that this idea of the immature teen brain is
one of the few notions that truly provides them comfort,” says Allen.
“They feel like it gets them off the hook – that it’s biological, not a
fault of parenting.” But Allen speculates that our parenting style may
indeed be causing their brains to be this way. Brains of teens a hundred
years ago might have been far more mature. Without painful real-life
experiences, modern teens’ brains never learn to tell the difference
between what they should fear and what they shouldn’t. Without real
consequences and real rewards, teens never learn to distinguish between
good risks they should take and bad risks they shouldn’t. “We park kids
on the sidelines, thinking their brains will develop if we just wait,
let time pass, as if all they need is more prep courses, lessons, and
enrichment courses. They need real stress and challenges.”
I'll have to do more research but I believe ownership and risk-taking intersect the science of motivation. This is the next frontier of brain research and there is much buzz for "Why we do what we do when, where and how we do it".
Take a Drive into some motivation research.
I'm not saying that kids need to do chores in order to mature (although it seems to be helping me). I do feel strongly, however, that kids should find themselves in situations that are out of their comfort zone and which require them to have to think and work though adversity to a solution.
I offer these as real world / 21st Century opportunities for our kids to own and, therefore, learn:
1. Kids having their own ATM cards and an adequate "income" to be budgeted, withdrawn and spent on their own. Parents can monitor and manage via online banking. Furthermore, this "allowance" shouldn't be tied to chores. Kids have access to lunch and pocket money all the time. Possessing their own ATM card with their own PIN and their own money makes this an empowering process for a child learning to be more thoughtful about their money choices.
2. Kids should attend resident camps during their Summer break. Sleep away camps can empower a child to figure out that they can take care of themselves without mom and dad around. It doesn't have to be far away or for many nights but all kids should have this experience.
3. Parents of young children should expose their kids to many different extracurricular activities (physical, artistic, etc.). By middle school the kids should have a stronger voice in choosing to continue with some activities and drop others. By high school kids should be able to connect their interests and experience with a few activities of their complete choice.
4. Kids shouldn't be taught (directly or indirectly) that the internet is dangerous. It is like fire, metaphorically; A powerful force that must not be taken lightly but must, instead, be manipulated in order to access and hone its power.
So, I gotta ask:
What other authentic ownership and learning experiences would you recommend for kids in the 21st Century?
OK, back to work. Now where did I leave that bag of dog poo?
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