Following Up: Part I

23 People took the time to give feedback at last week's Stuck in the Middle With You event.

So, 23 responses.  Here we go!

1.  "For me, I was reminded how the agenda should be set up & used.  I need to insist on seeing it daily because I always hear homework is finished and then later in the evening there is a Eureka moment when assignments are remembered - causes lots of drama."


The agenda is a good place to start, but has limitations.  If you engage your child too rigorously with the agenda, it could backfire.  The agenda works because it gives kids a place to write their "academic responsibilities".  The transference of information, in their own handwriting, should serve to "own" the tasks.  Be sure to build trust with this tool by not taking ownership of the information.  If a child feels the information is scrutinized then it's a short trip to conflict.  The agenda then becomes a tool for control between parent and child.  It would be most effective to trust the info written but make the process non-negotiable.  In other words, the consistent use of the tool is the expectation.  The info is variable.  

Remember, the goal isn't to make our kids perfectly organized.  The goal is to empower them to be practically organized.  The practicality speaks to the child learning to use the tool to be more thoughtful as it relates to his/her responsibilities.  

The partner to the agenda is Power School.  When an academic task goes well (as illustrated by a high mark in Power School) the child should be able to show the cause and effect relationship with thoughtful planning shown in the agenda.  This applies to poor planning as well.  Have them connect the dots from a low mark in Power School to the lack of a recorded task in the agenda, for example.   

Still, this doesn't really get to the Eureka moment that you've described above.  From my experience, this is a convenient "out" when the dinner conversation is uncomfortable or boring.  It can also act as a, somewhat, noble reason to get back to the computer (Facebook, etc.).  As parents, we may not like the hour, but we have a hard time saying no to homework.  So, they use it to their advantage.

A couple of thoughts on the Eureka Protocol:

* Be adamant that all HW after x o' clock must be done in a public area (dining room table, etc.).  

* Plan an enjoyable activity at x o'clock; Maybe an episode of a favorite series, free computer time, etc.  If there is a Eureka moment after x o'clock then they substitute the activity for HW.

I'd be sure to leverage these strategies with a clear understanding of the child's time schedule.  The "Planning to Do Nothing" Sheet should be filled out ahead of time to identify blocked and free time.  If there is room, I'd add block the enjoyable activity across for Sunday - Thursday.  Fridays and Saturdays should be set aside for family, social and risk-taking (sports, arts, etc.).

Thoughts?